Afterward

We are all these women.

Seek things new, adventurous, exciting.

We are all insecure, seeking, curious, sexual, sensual.

Sorry to have put the negative one first, but I think it’s something we all struggle with.

When I say ‘we’ I don’t mean to put every women on the Earth in this box, but you can put yourself in it if you can relate to it. And if you say to yourself, “I’m not that.”  Well fine. I’m not going to tell you who are. You have the freedom to ignore me. And if I’ve roused something in you by telling you you’re something you’re not, why is that? *winky face, winky face, smile*

We have grown up in a society that tries to sell you what the ideal is supposed to be.

I don’t ever remember when I was growing up any importance being placed on being intelligent, caring, smart, whatever, all the good personality and character traits I value in other people (maybe my parents tried to instill this, but who really listens to them at that age?). I can remember watching Clueless and thinking that maybe when I get to be 16 I’ll look cute like Alicia Silverstone. What a weird thought coming from a brown hair and brown eyed girl. And looking back at pictures when I was 14, I was cute, but I just didn’t see it. I got asked to the homecoming dance when I was a freshman by a senior. I spent the whole time dashing and immaturely avoiding him because while he was my very nice friend, he wasn’t exactly my cup of tea. I could ask myself why I wasn’t mature enough to be mature about the whole situation, but then again I was 14. I was in the midst of puberty and had no notion of what the fuck what going on. Who/what was there to let me know that I was, or that all this physical stuff wasn’t so important in the great scheme of things?