Belief

I don't believe in anything. I don't believe that God exists, I don't even believe that God doesn't exist. What's the point of talking of belief (or lack of belief) in something that you can't prove exists? I'll just keep myself out of that resolveless conversation.

I just want to live a life based on compassion, empathy, contemplation, and openess. What else do you need to lead a fullfilling life? 

We weren't aware that we didn't exist before we lived, so what does it matter that we won't be aware of our own self when we die? 

Introduction

If approached with a closed-mind, all is worthless.

Don't get caught up in illustrated illusions.

See for what is, not for what self wants to be.

And finally prepare to step inside, so...

Clear the mind of itself.

“Progress”

Did you know that with all the money spent on “progress,” research to explore the universe, nature , our bodies, our composition, we are still infinitely ignorant? The more we come to know, the more questions and/or problems arise. The more we strive for progress, the more we have to find out about nature in order to correct the problems we create. This is mindless progress so I call it destruction. How do we fix ourselves?

Updates

>>>>HI<<<<
The tide pulled me under and I was forced to live with some underwater moss gnomes. Now they have finally let me go. I came out realizing that my webpage needs to be updated badly. But for now all I have done is a picture page with some pictures from England. enjoy.

On Jermyn

In a little place past Piccadilly lies a Red Lion with golden jewelled walls created with elegant reflections, outpouring with streams of Amber.
There still lies the skeleton of once was.
Only gloss puts on a new skin to revitalise the landscape.

Oxford Circus detour:
A degenerate new beginning with no sense of soil breeds high fashion and discontented protestors.

Saddest man in the world

I just saw the saddest guy in the world… overweight, holding his small penis in bed asleep. Keyboard next to his balls. He looked like he had man boobs but I think it was just stomach fat. Not even funny, just put my face into a flabberghasted frown with a bit of anguish.

Decision

If I had a choice, no one would get hurt in the matter.
But in trying to prevent any added stress, I have taken it all upon myself.

It's not going to be my choice how other people react.
And it's not in my control that people can't magically see my point of view and understand my feelings.
But I will try my damnest to do it with love and compassion. 
But even so, it can't stop the flood of emotions that might rip a person apart from the inside.
I only hope that everyone can find themselves on the other side, grateful for what has been gained.

Aliens

Up above

Aliens hover

Making home movies

For the folks back home 

From anonymous

Never give up on yourself, even when you feel like shit. You’re allowed to feel like shit.

If you have nothing to live for and can’t stand the world around you - you have nothing to lose. Take a risk and piss people off; make the world a better place.

Reflections

Coming to terms with who I am
What I am ever-changing to be
What is that?
Coming to terms with my own mortality and at the same time with the
eternity of my being, my core

I can no longer hide behind insecurities of my past
but it doesn't mean that they are dead for good
Especially at this moment where I feel slightly vulnerable and uncertain
I am riding in and sailing above the dark tunnel at the same time

How to love deeply

Be open to talk about things comfortable and uncomfortable

Laugh much about the absurdities of life
Wonder much about the mysteries of life
Explore your sexuality to the fullest
Don't be afraid to 'not agree' with the other
Explore and fulfil your individual passions

Be aware that the 'honeymoon' period may end
Be aware that a 'profoundly deep and everlasting connection' may begin

Stinker

What the heck is happening? Oh, not much. Shit though, look at the mouse over there, what a stinker. He has it good.

Worst Fear

And to think that what I fear the most would be to find out that I'm not as crazy as I'd hoped...

The San Fernando Valley : Armpit of California, Porn capital of the U.S.

Eighty Hispanics surround twenty white men.
The horns of the mariachis overwhelm, their eyes penetrate.
Two miles ahead lie high priced upper-middle class homes, a starbucks, two blocks down another starbucks.
I feel claustrophobic in my mother’s Sun Valley home.
I am in the heart of an industrial heaven. Grey surrounds my peripheral and the smokey wastes of progress saturate the air.
I want to leave the house, but its like moving in molasses.

Facing Myself

An honest dialogue with the self is a beautiful thing. When there is pain it will seek to heal. One must embrace the pain or else it will remain terrifying.

“Dialogue with others is often empty and mind numbing, it’s sometimes intellectually stimulating (usually when I’m drunk) and rarely emotionally charged. I do admit that it’s hard for me to express my true emotions as I will either seem uneasy and nervous or falsely detached and cold. This is an indication that I have yet to face myself entirely.”

A Bathroom Dialogue

(parenthesis indicate comments added afterwards not included in the original dialogue)

D: 
The Origin of "God" 
"In the beginning there was nothing, then the nothing became aware that it was nothing and became SOMETHING." Hmm..You are nothing, but with awareness arises something. Sounds kind of neat, aye? Whoa nelly.

Light

Light = Energy = Matter = Atoms = Molecules = Cells = Organs = Humans

 therefore, Light = Humans = Energy
... or any way you like it,
rough or gentle?
a little of both? 

Supernova

Today I felt how an orgasm is like a supernova. Inside reactions are taking place. Things are heating up and pressure builds on the inside. When a balance of forces can no longer be sustained, the core contracts and then releases energy in a big burst. 

After the initial burst there is then an afterglow. The core is no longer fusing energy. 

Unlike a dead star the human regenerates and rebuilds so that one is able to burst and die again. It's reliving a cosmic wonder on a human scale.

Semi-frozen food

I stood there waiting, frozen in the semi-frozen food isle. Semi-skimmed or whole? I really didn't care. What am I waiting for? Probably something. I hope something, or else I could be in just the wrong place. Excuse me, pardon me, I'm just in the way. "It's not my fault that they ran out of soy milk, I'm a paying cusomter damnit!" It's going to be ok. It was worth the wait. I like doing weird things like standing in the middle of grocery stores for extended periods of time. 

Lover

When I write I like to illustrate contrast and employ opposites, it's a reflection of how I see the world from as many angles as I can handle.

My passion is to connect to Life in every way possible, to embrace the whole spectrum of experience.

When I write my tendancy is to let my mind flow using unfamiliar associations to show that life can be thought of in any way that one sees it. It is a constant and neverending creation of relationships.

I am currently an Astrophysicist by day and lover any other time.

What do I really want?

If I was on an island with every commodity at my disposal, what would my role in the community be? Point, work, build? To what end? No. Live, enjoy, create. Where do I see myself in this community of fellows? On a hill overlooking it all.

How does one make it in the world as a modern day shaman? Where do I go? Refuge. Retreat -> Emerge …to build the light. Each one holds the light. Giving… passing the torch… I need a flame to pass.

Cynicism

Everyone has their own agenda even when it comes from the heart. STOP LISTENING TO EVERYONE AND LOOK INSIDE. To the source, the light, the force that moves the Universe.

[although revisiting this 10 years so or after I have written this I would add that you should also constantly question yourself as well or else you'll end up delusional and think you're Jesus or that you're in contact with multidimensional aliens]

BS Thesis Acknowledgement

"First and foremost my humble thanks goes out to the fabric of

spacetime for allowing me to exist and study this universe we all

are intrinsically a part of."

I tend to thank stuff like this because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and somewhat ‘enlightened’. But I really should be thanking the universe for being such an asshole. Thanks universe.

Back

OK BITCHES. I'm back and with force. The ultimate doom of the gnomes...salt. Sucked them dry, they now look like oily potato chips, very unappealing and bad for one's health. But the now the salty chip gnomes huddle in a bag waiting to be eaten by some unsuspecting victim, or so I would think. Updates will come shortly given my lack of time. But.. here are ideas for what is in store

Beer and stars

Beer and the stars...mmm couldn't ask for more, yet there is.

Reflections

Every day I uncover something new.
Every day I've been 'coming to terms' with things.
I'm going to start to loathe that phrase soon. 
I feel like I've been keeping myself from a part of my womanhood.
Whatever that means.
I've been opening up.
Through art, finding unsuspecting beauty through photography, constructing abstract images still foreign to the front lines of my waking consciousness.