Learning

It takes great effort before it becomes effortless.

The trick is to do everything with great intent and focus.

THE BRAIN IS THE KEY TO ITSELF

One of the hardest actions of a strong person can be to let go. Weak people hold on to what is no longer necessary.

BS Thesis Acknowledgement

"First and foremost my humble thanks goes out to the fabric of

spacetime for allowing me to exist and study this universe we all

are intrinsically a part of."

I tend to thank stuff like this because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and somewhat ‘enlightened’. But I really should be thanking the universe for being such an asshole. Thanks universe.

Goal

Goal for my 30s - awakening my inner shaman buddha jesus mohammed krishna.

Humanity wants, needs

What do people want? Happiness? Health? Family? Security? What about the spaces in between? Is it mostly to get the means to live and then wasting away in front of the T.V. to forget about it all?

Atheist

I'm an atheist

I don't believe in god

I have compassion for others

I am empathic

I feel love

I feel passion

I feel wonder

I feel emotion

I question because I am curious to learn about the universe I live in

I question because I am curious to learn about myself

I am fallible

I make mistakes

I want to grow from my experiences

I don't shy away from uncomfortable truths

I feel pain and despair

I've felt broken

I've opened myself to trust in myself

Thesis

After days of eating lunches in solitude at the newly discovered Fresh Choice in Capitola and (partly) working on my thesis, I took an opportunity to hang out with a couple of my dearest friends (while still working on my thesis). In this time I was able to see more fully my condition. “Plots, plots, plots, plots, what the fuck does it all mean? Nothing, really. What? The fuck I care! Shut up please (with a smile). Damn, I'm not violent, but I have the urge to smash your head against a window and watch the glass shatter. I don't want to hurt you, but I can still imagine it can't I?

Feasting in the bad times, makes good writing?

…Ah, to be decedent and uncontrolled. The forces overcome my Will to hold my cravings back. What is this craving but a craving for regress and stagnation? This is the worst kind of personal sin. A personal sin so permeated world-wide with sinners laughing the the face of those that cannot even feed their family. Progress is not defined in terms of technicalities, true progress must be gauged by the greater whole, how it benefits all, not solely by the stick of business and economy. So my quest for healing myself turns into healing the world.

On Innocence Lost

Innocence never was
Innocence can always be

Manipulating desire
Unending love

Tied to the poles

Untainted peach stained by the most sorid piece

A soul is born of malicious peace hugging tree wrath
An angle born with devil’s eyes
A devil born with angel’s eyes

Look into this dark black heart and see your white, shining, ecstatic youth

Story of him

What to say about the mysterious hooded guitar man? Connected to the electricity of his insides, pulsating and moving through his fingers, feeling for that something to feel, the movement of sound and vibration.

Conclusion

"I" is not truth, not the I as a reference, but the general I of the self. So there is no I.

It just is. Just like the well-known phrase, "let it be."

Credit for this manifestation of words belongs to all.

 

Pretension leaks just from the fact that this is being read. But "I" have to do something, and this is what I have to give because I am grateful for what all has given to me. 

After the Dotted Line

The mirror has not yet been shattered. Foggy now that my own breath has been cast upon it. Tainted as it has always been. I live with it and gladly abide. Next level.

Back

OK BITCHES. I'm back and with force. The ultimate doom of the gnomes...salt. Sucked them dry, they now look like oily potato chips, very unappealing and bad for one's health. But the now the salty chip gnomes huddle in a bag waiting to be eaten by some unsuspecting victim, or so I would think. Updates will come shortly given my lack of time. But.. here are ideas for what is in store

Reflections

Coming to terms with who I am
What I am ever-changing to be
What is that?
Coming to terms with my own mortality and at the same time with the
eternity of my being, my core

I can no longer hide behind insecurities of my past
but it doesn't mean that they are dead for good
Especially at this moment where I feel slightly vulnerable and uncertain
I am riding in and sailing above the dark tunnel at the same time

Our Planet

To be aware of a very possible mass extinction of the human species brought on by the human species makes me sick to my stomach. Going down, down, killing ourselves because we are controlled by money and false power. False power destroys us. I stare into the world as though it were my last viewing. My only reason to live is for the beauty in all. Beauty in destruction? Perhaps so, but it should not be so unconscious as it is. Unconscious destruction for the sake of ego preservation is not beauty.

One Night Stand

He had the night of his life. She fucked him so hard that it was extremely hard for him not to cum right away, but she didn’t mind. That’s exactly what she wanted. She took pleasure in being able to invoke such godly sensations in someone she had just met, it raised her self-esteem and of course, she had self-image issues. She used every one-night stand as a therapy session that was usually short-lived. She never really gave herself the chance to recover from the break-up of her seven-year relationship, the only relationship she’d ever had. 

Lover

When I write I like to illustrate contrast and employ opposites, it's a reflection of how I see the world from as many angles as I can handle.

My passion is to connect to Life in every way possible, to embrace the whole spectrum of experience.

When I write my tendancy is to let my mind flow using unfamiliar associations to show that life can be thought of in any way that one sees it. It is a constant and neverending creation of relationships.

I am currently an Astrophysicist by day and lover any other time.

101 worst things that could happen to you

101 worst things that could happen to you

1. You ate a rock, and it was big

2. You accidently burn an X in your head

3. While lighting a cig you catch fire

4. A paper cut

5. You have to sell your liver to support your family

6. You're buried alive

7. You have to eat your best friend

8. you pick your nose too hard and pull out your brain

9. you run head first into a spiked metal wall 

10. you eat bad shrooms

11. you are misidentified as target for castration by an angry wife out for revenge

On Attraction

What does it mean when I like someone and am attracted to them?
I would like to explore further, to open myself to a uniqueness never experienced before, to learn from their being.

That's about it.

How to love deeply

Be open to talk about things comfortable and uncomfortable

Laugh much about the absurdities of life
Wonder much about the mysteries of life
Explore your sexuality to the fullest
Don't be afraid to 'not agree' with the other
Explore and fulfil your individual passions

Be aware that the 'honeymoon' period may end
Be aware that a 'profoundly deep and everlasting connection' may begin

A Special Message for the Over Thirty Crowd

"Only a handful of people define their talents prior to acquiring their driver's licenses; few still find themselves in an environment supportive of their aspirations; and even fewer enjoy liberal access to the tools and training necessary for the cultivation of their possible genius. Yet we often compare ourselves with this fortunate few when judging our own abilities.

Light

Light = Energy = Matter = Atoms = Molecules = Cells = Organs = Humans

 therefore, Light = Humans = Energy
... or any way you like it,
rough or gentle?
a little of both? 

Personal Crap questions

What are my fears? What are my insecurities? Why do I feel these things? With emotional detachment they all seem kind of silly.

Do I give up?

Hell no.

Supernova

Today I felt how an orgasm is like a supernova. Inside reactions are taking place. Things are heating up and pressure builds on the inside. When a balance of forces can no longer be sustained, the core contracts and then releases energy in a big burst. 

After the initial burst there is then an afterglow. The core is no longer fusing energy. 

Unlike a dead star the human regenerates and rebuilds so that one is able to burst and die again. It's reliving a cosmic wonder on a human scale.

“Progress”

Did you know that with all the money spent on “progress,” research to explore the universe, nature , our bodies, our composition, we are still infinitely ignorant? The more we come to know, the more questions and/or problems arise. The more we strive for progress, the more we have to find out about nature in order to correct the problems we create. This is mindless progress so I call it destruction. How do we fix ourselves?

From anonymous

Never give up on yourself, even when you feel like shit. You’re allowed to feel like shit.

If you have nothing to live for and can’t stand the world around you - you have nothing to lose. Take a risk and piss people off; make the world a better place.

Of Reading and Writing

Of all writings I love only that which is written with blood. Write with blood: and you will discover that blood is spirit.

It is not an easy thing to understand unfamiliar blood: I hate the reading idler.

He who knows the reader, does nothing further for the reader. Another century of readers - and spirit itself will stink.

That everyone can learn to read will ruin in the long run not only writing, but thinking too.

Once spirit was God, then it became man, and now it is even becoming mob.