If I had a choice, no one would get hurt in the matter.
But in trying to prevent any added stress, I have taken it all upon myself.
It's not going to be my choice how other people react.
And it's not in my control that people can't magically see my point of view and understand my feelings.
But I will try my damnest to do it with love and compassion.
But even so, it can't stop the flood of emotions that might rip a person apart from the inside.
I only hope that everyone can find themselves on the other side, grateful for what has been gained.
The logistics involved in such a decision proves to be overwhelming, almost to the point of
inaction. I wish it could all be done in baby steps. Can I magically have my own place for a month?
How does it all feel to be on my own? Could we work it out? That scenerio is wishful thinking, if I want a
temporary out, there's no going back. Can't we just be friends? Another wishful thinking scenario. My
best friend was recently on the receiving end of such a question. Her answer? No fucking thank you. Her
heart had just been broken.
I feel like I'm in a suspended state and am slightly relishing simmering in this intensity. Its gotten
me to write more that I ever have in these past years. It almost feels a little sadistic. But I know I can't simmer too long, that'll just turn me into a mad woman. I don't fancy doing that. I value having an active imagination but still being able to function on a social level.
But I disgress. I could ramble on and on, but that would just be a load of rambling bullocks. I am never going to be to 100% certain of my decision, but its going to be a decision, that if/once made, I will have to live with. And with whatever happens I know that I will be better for it.