One Night Stand

He had the night of his life. She fucked him so hard that it was extremely hard for him not to cum right away, but she didn’t mind. That’s exactly what she wanted. She took pleasure in being able to invoke such godly sensations in someone she had just met, it raised her self-esteem and of course, she had self-image issues. She used every one-night stand as a therapy session that was usually short-lived. She never really gave herself the chance to recover from the break-up of her seven-year relationship, the only relationship she’d ever had. 

Updates

>>>>HI<<<<
The tide pulled me under and I was forced to live with some underwater moss gnomes. Now they have finally let me go. I came out realizing that my webpage needs to be updated badly. But for now all I have done is a picture page with some pictures from England. enjoy.

Jesus gossip

What a hokey story this is, check it out...so this guy was engaged this chick right, but then he found out that she's been whoring around and got pregnant, so he decides to call off the engagement. but then that night he has a dream with some wierd voice calling itself "the lord" telling him that its this guy lord's baby and he needs to call this baby Jesus...so for some reason he changes his mind and marries the chick anyways and adopts the son even though its some other guy's who doesn't even pay child support.

Fuck

Online diaries are hard to keep. Especially when one takes a long hiatus from working on their website. So, what the fuck am I am up to now? Is saying FUCK too harsh? Well I llike to sometimes, I think it's humorous. Anyways, I've been working a whole lot which is kind of annoying. I want to finish my thesis already. But then what? Ok, well if I get into grad school in England I'm going there. If not, I'm off to Peru for a year. Does anyone want to take care of the cutest siamese cat for a bit?

Learning

It takes great effort before it becomes effortless.

The trick is to do everything with great intent and focus.

THE BRAIN IS THE KEY TO ITSELF

One of the hardest actions of a strong person can be to let go. Weak people hold on to what is no longer necessary.

Decision

If I had a choice, no one would get hurt in the matter.
But in trying to prevent any added stress, I have taken it all upon myself.

It's not going to be my choice how other people react.
And it's not in my control that people can't magically see my point of view and understand my feelings.
But I will try my damnest to do it with love and compassion. 
But even so, it can't stop the flood of emotions that might rip a person apart from the inside.
I only hope that everyone can find themselves on the other side, grateful for what has been gained.

The San Fernando Valley : Armpit of California, Porn capital of the U.S.

Eighty Hispanics surround twenty white men.
The horns of the mariachis overwhelm, their eyes penetrate.
Two miles ahead lie high priced upper-middle class homes, a starbucks, two blocks down another starbucks.
I feel claustrophobic in my mother’s Sun Valley home.
I am in the heart of an industrial heaven. Grey surrounds my peripheral and the smokey wastes of progress saturate the air.
I want to leave the house, but its like moving in molasses.

Back

OK BITCHES. I'm back and with force. The ultimate doom of the gnomes...salt. Sucked them dry, they now look like oily potato chips, very unappealing and bad for one's health. But the now the salty chip gnomes huddle in a bag waiting to be eaten by some unsuspecting victim, or so I would think. Updates will come shortly given my lack of time. But.. here are ideas for what is in store

Beer and stars

Beer and the stars...mmm couldn't ask for more, yet there is.

Reflections

Every day I uncover something new.
Every day I've been 'coming to terms' with things.
I'm going to start to loathe that phrase soon. 
I feel like I've been keeping myself from a part of my womanhood.
Whatever that means.
I've been opening up.
Through art, finding unsuspecting beauty through photography, constructing abstract images still foreign to the front lines of my waking consciousness.

The Other

A partner who strives till Death, who lives with a passion and calmness of pushing themselves to the limit. Someone who recognizes that the Map is not the Territory. Someone who won’t let Death take them easily.

On Jermyn

In a little place past Piccadilly lies a Red Lion with golden jewelled walls created with elegant reflections, outpouring with streams of Amber.
There still lies the skeleton of once was.
Only gloss puts on a new skin to revitalise the landscape.

Oxford Circus detour:
A degenerate new beginning with no sense of soil breeds high fashion and discontented protestors.

Choice

You are staring at a computer screen reading this.

What do you expect to see? Something perhaps. Excitement? Fun? Adventure? Something really gross? Something really pretty? Something pretty ugly?

The first thing you must do is, make a choice.

Atheist

I'm an atheist

I don't believe in god

I have compassion for others

I am empathic

I feel love

I feel passion

I feel wonder

I feel emotion

I question because I am curious to learn about the universe I live in

I question because I am curious to learn about myself

I am fallible

I make mistakes

I want to grow from my experiences

I don't shy away from uncomfortable truths

I feel pain and despair

I've felt broken

I've opened myself to trust in myself

Aliens

Up above

Aliens hover

Making home movies

For the folks back home 

Architecture

modern architecture is so boring

straight lines with its stale simplicity

gimme some of that old school stlye

with its lucious curves, rich colors, and intricate detail

Reflections

Coming to terms with who I am
What I am ever-changing to be
What is that?
Coming to terms with my own mortality and at the same time with the
eternity of my being, my core

I can no longer hide behind insecurities of my past
but it doesn't mean that they are dead for good
Especially at this moment where I feel slightly vulnerable and uncertain
I am riding in and sailing above the dark tunnel at the same time

Our Planet

To be aware of a very possible mass extinction of the human species brought on by the human species makes me sick to my stomach. Going down, down, killing ourselves because we are controlled by money and false power. False power destroys us. I stare into the world as though it were my last viewing. My only reason to live is for the beauty in all. Beauty in destruction? Perhaps so, but it should not be so unconscious as it is. Unconscious destruction for the sake of ego preservation is not beauty.

Cynicism

Everyone has their own agenda even when it comes from the heart. STOP LISTENING TO EVERYONE AND LOOK INSIDE. To the source, the light, the force that moves the Universe.

[although revisiting this 10 years so or after I have written this I would add that you should also constantly question yourself as well or else you'll end up delusional and think you're Jesus or that you're in contact with multidimensional aliens]

Of Reading and Writing

Of all writings I love only that which is written with blood. Write with blood: and you will discover that blood is spirit.

It is not an easy thing to understand unfamiliar blood: I hate the reading idler.

He who knows the reader, does nothing further for the reader. Another century of readers - and spirit itself will stink.

That everyone can learn to read will ruin in the long run not only writing, but thinking too.

Once spirit was God, then it became man, and now it is even becoming mob.

Humanity wants, needs

What do people want? Happiness? Health? Family? Security? What about the spaces in between? Is it mostly to get the means to live and then wasting away in front of the T.V. to forget about it all?

On Innocence Lost

Innocence never was
Innocence can always be

Manipulating desire
Unending love

Tied to the poles

Untainted peach stained by the most sorid piece

A soul is born of malicious peace hugging tree wrath
An angle born with devil’s eyes
A devil born with angel’s eyes

Look into this dark black heart and see your white, shining, ecstatic youth

Story of him

What to say about the mysterious hooded guitar man? Connected to the electricity of his insides, pulsating and moving through his fingers, feeling for that something to feel, the movement of sound and vibration.

Vice

Is there no relief in life?
Vice emerges in search of relief.
Necessities taken beyond necessity.

Attachment to a vice takes the focus away from oneself naked.

I hate everyone and everything

I hate everyone and everything. I just want to be alone. I’m not depressed, I’m pretty fuckin’ happy. If you saw me writing this in a coffee shop you’d think I might be a nice girl, and you would be right. I am a nice fucking girl, but with all the bullshit in the world sometimes you can’t help but think, “bloody hell.” I’m just as guilty as anyone to have created as much shit as you.

On London

I’m in the city of lore 
where the ‘Great Beast’ once roamed.
There stood a blazing time 
where no water could be found but only overflowing foundations fountains of men’s blood.
Now a city of wankers,
too blended to be any good,
too busy to progress.
It’s cool and everyone looks for the truth in your eyes.
Shape-shifting spies in the land of conspiracy and deceit. 
They can stand everything but themselves 
for inside is a bomb waiting to explode into love, hate, and endless confusion.

Conclusion

"I" is not truth, not the I as a reference, but the general I of the self. So there is no I.

It just is. Just like the well-known phrase, "let it be."

Credit for this manifestation of words belongs to all.

 

Pretension leaks just from the fact that this is being read. But "I" have to do something, and this is what I have to give because I am grateful for what all has given to me. 

101 worst things that could happen to you

101 worst things that could happen to you

1. You ate a rock, and it was big

2. You accidently burn an X in your head

3. While lighting a cig you catch fire

4. A paper cut

5. You have to sell your liver to support your family

6. You're buried alive

7. You have to eat your best friend

8. you pick your nose too hard and pull out your brain

9. you run head first into a spiked metal wall 

10. you eat bad shrooms

11. you are misidentified as target for castration by an angry wife out for revenge