Jesus gossip

What a hokey story this is, check it out...so this guy was engaged this chick right, but then he found out that she's been whoring around and got pregnant, so he decides to call off the engagement. but then that night he has a dream with some wierd voice calling itself "the lord" telling him that its this guy lord's baby and he needs to call this baby Jesus...so for some reason he changes his mind and marries the chick anyways and adopts the son even though its some other guy's who doesn't even pay child support.

On the Royal Courts of Justice

Magnificently crafted stone in the honour of justice.
On a godly plane with intricate detail and grandeur delight.
Now I must obey the law and depart due to the facts presented to me.
I obey because I should of known what I was getting into.
Bye, bye, birdie.

The backdoor men live underground
lives not tied to any wives and fucking the hives.

Humanity wants, needs

What do people want? Happiness? Health? Family? Security? What about the spaces in between? Is it mostly to get the means to live and then wasting away in front of the T.V. to forget about it all?

What do I really want?

If I was on an island with every commodity at my disposal, what would my role in the community be? Point, work, build? To what end? No. Live, enjoy, create. Where do I see myself in this community of fellows? On a hill overlooking it all.

How does one make it in the world as a modern day shaman? Where do I go? Refuge. Retreat -> Emerge …to build the light. Each one holds the light. Giving… passing the torch… I need a flame to pass.

Aliens

Up above

Aliens hover

Making home movies

For the folks back home 

Cynicism

Everyone has their own agenda even when it comes from the heart. STOP LISTENING TO EVERYONE AND LOOK INSIDE. To the source, the light, the force that moves the Universe.

[although revisiting this 10 years so or after I have written this I would add that you should also constantly question yourself as well or else you'll end up delusional and think you're Jesus or that you're in contact with multidimensional aliens]

Learning

It takes great effort before it becomes effortless.

The trick is to do everything with great intent and focus.

THE BRAIN IS THE KEY TO ITSELF

One of the hardest actions of a strong person can be to let go. Weak people hold on to what is no longer necessary.

Fuck

Online diaries are hard to keep. Especially when one takes a long hiatus from working on their website. So, what the fuck am I am up to now? Is saying FUCK too harsh? Well I llike to sometimes, I think it's humorous. Anyways, I've been working a whole lot which is kind of annoying. I want to finish my thesis already. But then what? Ok, well if I get into grad school in England I'm going there. If not, I'm off to Peru for a year. Does anyone want to take care of the cutest siamese cat for a bit?

One Night Stand

He had the night of his life. She fucked him so hard that it was extremely hard for him not to cum right away, but she didn’t mind. That’s exactly what she wanted. She took pleasure in being able to invoke such godly sensations in someone she had just met, it raised her self-esteem and of course, she had self-image issues. She used every one-night stand as a therapy session that was usually short-lived. She never really gave herself the chance to recover from the break-up of her seven-year relationship, the only relationship she’d ever had. 

How to love deeply

Be open to talk about things comfortable and uncomfortable

Laugh much about the absurdities of life
Wonder much about the mysteries of life
Explore your sexuality to the fullest
Don't be afraid to 'not agree' with the other
Explore and fulfil your individual passions

Be aware that the 'honeymoon' period may end
Be aware that a 'profoundly deep and everlasting connection' may begin

Personal Crap questions

What are my fears? What are my insecurities? Why do I feel these things? With emotional detachment they all seem kind of silly.

Do I give up?

Hell no.

Decision

If I had a choice, no one would get hurt in the matter.
But in trying to prevent any added stress, I have taken it all upon myself.

It's not going to be my choice how other people react.
And it's not in my control that people can't magically see my point of view and understand my feelings.
But I will try my damnest to do it with love and compassion. 
But even so, it can't stop the flood of emotions that might rip a person apart from the inside.
I only hope that everyone can find themselves on the other side, grateful for what has been gained.

Beer and stars

Beer and the stars...mmm couldn't ask for more, yet there is.

The San Fernando Valley : Armpit of California, Porn capital of the U.S.

Eighty Hispanics surround twenty white men.
The horns of the mariachis overwhelm, their eyes penetrate.
Two miles ahead lie high priced upper-middle class homes, a starbucks, two blocks down another starbucks.
I feel claustrophobic in my mother’s Sun Valley home.
I am in the heart of an industrial heaven. Grey surrounds my peripheral and the smokey wastes of progress saturate the air.
I want to leave the house, but its like moving in molasses.

Saddest man in the world

I just saw the saddest guy in the world… overweight, holding his small penis in bed asleep. Keyboard next to his balls. He looked like he had man boobs but I think it was just stomach fat. Not even funny, just put my face into a flabberghasted frown with a bit of anguish.

Conclusion

"I" is not truth, not the I as a reference, but the general I of the self. So there is no I.

It just is. Just like the well-known phrase, "let it be."

Credit for this manifestation of words belongs to all.

 

Pretension leaks just from the fact that this is being read. But "I" have to do something, and this is what I have to give because I am grateful for what all has given to me. 

Choice

You are staring at a computer screen reading this.

What do you expect to see? Something perhaps. Excitement? Fun? Adventure? Something really gross? Something really pretty? Something pretty ugly?

The first thing you must do is, make a choice.

Reflections

Coming to terms with who I am
What I am ever-changing to be
What is that?
Coming to terms with my own mortality and at the same time with the
eternity of my being, my core

I can no longer hide behind insecurities of my past
but it doesn't mean that they are dead for good
Especially at this moment where I feel slightly vulnerable and uncertain
I am riding in and sailing above the dark tunnel at the same time

Architecture

modern architecture is so boring

straight lines with its stale simplicity

gimme some of that old school stlye

with its lucious curves, rich colors, and intricate detail

Stinker

What the heck is happening? Oh, not much. Shit though, look at the mouse over there, what a stinker. He has it good.

Story of him

What to say about the mysterious hooded guitar man? Connected to the electricity of his insides, pulsating and moving through his fingers, feeling for that something to feel, the movement of sound and vibration.

From anonymous

Never give up on yourself, even when you feel like shit. You’re allowed to feel like shit.

If you have nothing to live for and can’t stand the world around you - you have nothing to lose. Take a risk and piss people off; make the world a better place.

Reflections

Every day I uncover something new.
Every day I've been 'coming to terms' with things.
I'm going to start to loathe that phrase soon. 
I feel like I've been keeping myself from a part of my womanhood.
Whatever that means.
I've been opening up.
Through art, finding unsuspecting beauty through photography, constructing abstract images still foreign to the front lines of my waking consciousness.

Lover

When I write I like to illustrate contrast and employ opposites, it's a reflection of how I see the world from as many angles as I can handle.

My passion is to connect to Life in every way possible, to embrace the whole spectrum of experience.

When I write my tendancy is to let my mind flow using unfamiliar associations to show that life can be thought of in any way that one sees it. It is a constant and neverending creation of relationships.

I am currently an Astrophysicist by day and lover any other time.

On Jermyn

In a little place past Piccadilly lies a Red Lion with golden jewelled walls created with elegant reflections, outpouring with streams of Amber.
There still lies the skeleton of once was.
Only gloss puts on a new skin to revitalise the landscape.

Oxford Circus detour:
A degenerate new beginning with no sense of soil breeds high fashion and discontented protestors.

After the Dotted Line

The mirror has not yet been shattered. Foggy now that my own breath has been cast upon it. Tainted as it has always been. I live with it and gladly abide. Next level.